Status #1

The flame of true love will finally gutter and die according to my students.
My calculator is an antique and it is time for some benadryl.

It's also a Roxette kind of day and I love Coyote Ugly.

When does MY summer start?

The flight to Detroit got rained out until tomorrow.
She could steal
but
She could not rob.

We gave her everything we owned just to sit at her table.
Now let's try to get 5,000 friends in common.

Forever?!

This article aptly sums up my experience at the mall yesterday. I went with a friend and we attempted to dig around in Forever 21. Neither of us is 21. We had the most fun in the accessories area. I was completely overwhelmed and frantic yet also convinced that at any moment I would find treasure. It was scary. I also observed that everyone else in the store had a similar expression. Glazed and confused yet slightly high looking. Oh man. This is why I don't go to the mall. It leaves me feeling hyper and exhausted. Too many shiny colorful things leaves me feeling completely ridiculous. And I have to touch everything. I take forever. Is that why it's called "Forever" 21? Hmmm....

Vintage Photos from Slides

These photos are so cool. They are from the Library of Congress. They are color photos made from the 1940's.

Robyn! Yay!

My awesome friend Adam....who has an awesome blog called Mr. Reck's Dance Party...posted this simply delightful video by Robyn. It's ridiculously gorgeous. And the song is soooo good. It will instantly make you feel like this world is full of happy things and sunshine and beautifully hip Swedish stuff. The Swedes are so spot on with pop music.

Photos and Design

This is a really awesome book made by my friends Jen Furda and Chris Larson. Chris does awesome photography and Jen makes beautiful invitations. And the best part is they will be getting married a year from now! YAY! So go check out their work. Jen's invitations are available here and Chris has a facebook page.

Fire

This video is soooo intoxicating. Happy Monday. Go light some fires.

"Most of the Gaga generation, however, is interested in distraction as an end in itself."

Great article. I particularly like that Nicki Minaj is getting props. She is pretty incredible and deserves some attention in this GaGa year. Also...I will probably always love Beyonce. And I do dream of distractions upon distractions. Who doesn't in this oil spill/neverending war/post McMansion world?

Blue Blur Blitz

“It’s as if punk had been reinvented for women,” he said, smiling.

I've always had a soft spot for southern rap and hip-hop. In fact, it's one of my favorite genres. Maybe this is due to the fact that when I entered college in the fall of 1998 it was blowing up. Therefore some of my favorite artists and albums where from the south...and they were rapping. Ludacris. Juvenile. Outkast. Mystikal. They are all pretty awesome in my book. I still heart them with an passion that does not quite seem right for a white girl from Jersey. But I can't help it. They make me want to shake my proverbial...bootie. And oh boy so does this. Apparently Sissy Bounce is the rage right now. And apparently it's all about the ladies feeling safe to flaunt their...booties. The men are literally shoved to the sidelines. I love this. I also love that of course this safe bootie flaunting is happening because of the rich and wild musical culture of New Orleans. HOW FABULOUS! Anyway...I've got to get to a show....so please someone who is cooler then me....please alert me when Big Freedia's in the house. I will be there. With my bootie.

Things I have done for money

In chronological order of my life experience thus far:

-Lost baby teeth
-Had birthdays
-Had my first Holy Communion
-Babysitting
-Swept floor at mom's place of work
-Entered addresses into database
-Placed address labels on postcards from database
-Greeted people at retail establishment and offered them a free sample
-Cashier
-Apron straightener/jar duster/All clad salesgirl
-Ice Cream girl
-Cleaned professor's house
-Dog/house sitter
-More baby sitting
-Camp Counselor
-Camp art teacher
-Public school art teacher
-Hostess
-Cashier/stocker/sales girl....again
-More dog/cat/house sitting
-Receptionist
-Cocktail waitress

FACE TIME!

I hate the Iphone 4G Facetime commercials...you know what I'm talking about...the ones where two cute in love people chat with each other using the phone's video feature...face time. Yeah. Those. I find them incredibly annoying. As if only people with these sweet, syrupy, lovey, dovey, relationships would be using this feature. Ummm...hello...I can think of a ton of other uses for this video chat thingie. And none of them are very sweet...ahem...well...let's keep this PG. But I can also think of situations in which this feature could go horribly awry.

For instance...just saying...we have all experienced the drunk texting phenomenon. Imagine what one of these drunk texts could turn into if they where video chats. HORROR and REGRET, that's what it would turn into. Also lets add some SHAME to that mix. Which would mean I would have to use the video chat thing to call up my therapist and discuss these feelings while driving to McDonald's for a coke and french fries.

I do think, however,this feature would be way fun if I could video chat with say...Verizon...cause then I could really show them hell hath no fury like a woman shuffled through numerous departments and countries in order to track down why exactly she was overcharged for her cellphone bill. But I guess I can't do that until they get the Iphone.

Other times this feature would be fun:

when I'm at Target and I want my best friend to see all the crap I've placed in the cart when I just went in for shampoo,

showing my mom that I actually vacuumed when we are having a passive aggressive discussion about money/my weight/my dating situation,

on snow days...enough said,

and finally I would most enjoy this feature when I am busy looking for items I've notoriously lost or misplaced.

Imagine if you will, friends and family, how much fun it would be if I was able to have you assist me in searching for things...for instance where I parked my car. I would simply call you up and hold you up so you could look around with me. Like they say...two sets of eyes are better then one.

Steve Jobs, could you make a commercial that speaks to me...a young, flaky, neurotic, unsentimental single woman? For god sakes, I'm going to have to buy my houseplant an Iphone so we can video chat from the bedroom to the kitchen. It can call me up and show me via video that I have forgotten to water it for the past two weeks.

Here's lots of manly statistics!

Thank god someone thought to compile this information. It is so entertaining and enlightening. Apparently I need to be more loyal then intelligent. Also I will be losing my looks at the age of 40 and the United States is it's own worst enemy.

PINA COLADA! YES!

This is so awesomely trashtastic. I love it. Happy weekend!

Best thing I have read in a long time

This article is a wonderful piece of humor. Enjoy it.

Things that are making my day

THIS has been watched several times today. I just can't get enough.

This shirt also makes me giggle.

Ohhh.....and Mel Gibson's wikipedia page is blowing up. That makes me laugh too.

And then there is this tree. That smells like...well...just go read it.

And speaking of plants...virtual plants that is...we can all breathe a sigh of relief to know that this is now available.

The Girl with the...

This op-ed piece written by Nicholas D. Kristof is important to read. I myself have read "The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo" and enjoyed it, although it is hard to read at certain points due to the physical and emotional abuse that it illustrates. This op-ed piece is hard to read as well because it shows that we are still capable of ignoring crimes that are committed against young, poor, women.

Happy Ice Cream Month

So July is ice cream month. This is totally why I might have inadvertently eaten ice cream for dinner last night. I was obviously celebrating. And here is an awesome post from Neatorama about weird and wonderful ice cream concoctions. I want to try the lobster ice cream. Cause I love lobster and I love butter and I love ice cream.

Holy crap...

I am fascinated to learn that you can now buy cheap, trendy, teenage maternity wear. Is this one of the signs of the apocalypse? What's next? Is Delia's going to roll out a line of mommy and me outfits?

HOWL Reinvented for us

This is so beautiful. Poignant and profound. I love you McSweeney.

Things I've Considered

Marrying for money
Donating my eggs
Getting a sugar daddy
Making spoof videos of Danielle Staub
Becoming a make-up artist
Being the White Queen for Halloween this year
Going without deodorant
Developing an app that explains the fine line between bad art and good art
A couch
Vacuuming